Finding My Way

In his poem Lost, David Wagoner suggests when you are lost in the forest, stand still and listen. “The forest knows where you are,” wrote Wagoner. “You must let it find you.”

You must stop, listen, and breathe.

He’s right. One summer afternoon in New York City taught me that when you don't know where you are or where you are going, stand still and listen. 

I remember I was working for the automotive industry. It was 1999 and I was depressed and lost. That afternoon I was scheduled to meet a business executive for lunch. We planned on meeting at a deli on the Westside. 

I was new to New York and didn’t know my way around the streets of Manhattan. As I made my way to the deli, I made a turn, got stuck in traffic, stopped at a light, and then began questioning myself. “Is this the right way?”  

My grip tightened on the steering wheel. A drop of sweat rolled down my neck. It was hot. 

I kept driving and turning and getting stuck in the thick traffic, thinking I could find my way. It was now five minutes to noon. I knew I was going to be late. My grip tightened even more. 

In the heat of it all, something inside me said turn left. It was a soft voice, quiet and delicate under the noise of my busy mind. I didn't listen though. I went straight. 

After 10 more minutes of stopping at lights and struggling with street traffic, I finally decided to listen to that small inner voice. I went back to the intersection where I had heard, turn left, and I did. 

Once I turned, I noticed a department store I had visited once before. And that triggered a memory - the last time I was in that store, the friendly cashier who waited on me struck up a conversation. “I love to go to the deli around the corner,” I remember her saying. 

And that was all I needed! I knew I was close! I looked again at the address the business executive gave me and within minutes I found the deli!   

That day I learned something profound – I could trust my own mind! To my surprise there is wisdom inside, an intelligence that could guide my way! In fact, that afternoon not only did I find my way to the deli, but I also began to find my way in life. 

You see, it was then that I began listening to that small inner voice. I started listening to the rhythm inside, to the silent beating forest within. The forest knows where you are. You must let it find you.

Being depressed for so long left me disconnected and disoriented in life, which made it difficult to know myself. I doubted myself again and again. But by stopping and listening to the intelligence within, I began to trust. I began to uncover what is true for me, what I like and don't like, what I'm passionate about. I began to peel away what was unimportant and become more and more of who I am. By listening carefully and following that inner wisdom, eventually, I was found.